May 6

I've sat on this post for a couple of days. I wanted to write about what this day is. I was thinking I'd write about Greg and Heather and how they must struggle to see the 6th on this month come and know it's been a month since Maelee was born. I just feel like these words don't show the true emotion of what this day really means. On Greg and Heather's blog, they posted a picture of Maelee's hand in Greg's. Maelee's little tiny hand with long fingers like her dad's. Those little nails were supposed to be painted pink one day. That picture brought on a new kind of pain that tears couldn't relieve... although I tried. Ella had tiny hands like that. I remember holding them and kissing them and never wanting to let them go. I want that memory for Greg and Heather so badly. One month ago, Maelee was wrapped in her little blanket and her little hands lay in her dad's... lifeless. I know the Lord gives and I know the Lord takes away. I read it in the bible. I sing it in songs. I understand that is just the way it is. What I don't understand is why. I will probably never know why God has to take away sometimes. See, children do something to you. They fill up your heart like no other person can. They bring you joy that no one else can. They make you a different person. Why would God choose to take a child away from it's parents? I know, I know. Don't question it. God has a plan for us all. We don't always understand our place or why things happen, but God does. I know I'm not supposed to ask "Why?" but I still find myself asking anyway.

I wandered over to the nowIlaymedowntosleep.com site. I wish I hadn't. I read the stories and looked at the pictures of these children that were taken away from their families. I just feel like there is no other pain worse than losing a child. These stories were incredibly sad. If you don't ache for these people reading their stories than you aren't human. It did hit me though that these people are real and aren't just words on my screen, they were people just like Greg and Heather. They knew what these people were feeling. I had to close the site and cried for at least 30 minutes. I got Ella out of the crib where she'd been sleeping for 2 hours. I held her, rocked her and whispered "I love you" in her ear for an hour.

May 6 was a hard day for Greg and Heather. I can't imagine their pain. One month and the pain doesn't get easier. Say a prayer for them and if you see them, hug them and tell them you love them. Maelee is missed.