No clue

I have no clue what I'm doing. Not one single, tiny little clue. Every day I fly by the seat of my pants. Being a parent, for me, is a giant rollercoaster ride. The weird part is the trip UP the hill tends to be more fun than the 90mph trip down — when you are living with a toddler. Ella has discovered her expressions and boy is it fun.

When Ella was an infant, she opened her mouth to no matter what I put on that spoon and ate it like a champion. Peas? Yes! Carrots? E'ry day. Mystery meat and veggie combo? Absolutley! There wasn't much she wouldn't eat when it was mushy and came out of a jar. Now that she eats with us, she says "NO!" when she's not hungry or is tired of the greenbean/spaghetti o's combo I've slapped on her plate. She now has decided that there are nights she's just flat out not hungry. WHA?! What child of mine wouldn't be hungry 24-7?

When Ella was an infant, she could lie on that play mat and stare up at those monkeys and mirrors for what seemed like hours just checking it out. Now, 2 seconds into a puzzle and she's conquered it and is over it. NEXT! Every book we've read 200 times and she is tired of the same ol' Moose and the muffin story. Coloring was a new adventure not that long ago and now, it's just "aight". The Monkey and Alligator song was my saving grace when she'd get upset. Two notes into it and she was dancing and singing along. Now, she'll leave the room mid song.

Ella, now that she has words to use, has become demanding. "Eat Mommy!" "Sit Mommy." "Read it Mommy!" "No Mommy!" "Back Mommy!" (that one if for me to scratch her back) At this age, if you try to ignore her, she will repeat until you react. 100 times I'll hear the same thing. Did she forget that not only a mila-second ago she asked me to read that same book? And it wasn't 3 minutes ago we DID read that very same book... twice. We even pointed out all the puppies, flowers, butterflies, trees, clouds and little girls in the story when she got restless. And still she demands, "Read it Mommy!"

Don't get me wrong. This age is great. The crying, pooping, eating lump that graced us just 21 months ago is gone and she can now interact with us. She can cheer us on, dance with us to club music, she can tell me she had a good time at school and ate a sandwich, she says "I wub youuuu," she gives the best tight-squeezed hugs ever and loves to give kisses. These are good times. These times are the trip up the hill. This is when I look at her, tear up at how fast she's growing and try my best to hang on to every second we're together. It's that fast ride down that starts with "No Mommy!" and usually ends up with mac and cheese noodles on the other side of the room that makes me think Ella will be an only child. Help me Rhonda on that trip down. Whew!

I don't know what to think about motherhood. It's very cool. It can be very rewarding. It's hilarious. It keeps me on my toes. It's scary. IT'S HARD. It's stressful and frustrating. It's exhausting. It's like nothing I've ever done before. I wouldn't change it... well, I would change her EATING HABITS! I still don't get that.

Thank you Lord for all my many blessings. It's hard to get so wrapped up in the bad and frustrating parts to remember to be grateful for the 1000 times more awesome parts there are. I'm not the best Mommy in the world, but I'm Ella's. She'd tell you I'm the best Mommy she's ever had. I'm good with that.