Hard Exterior

I am a cheerleader by nature. I am perky, silly and friendly. At least that's what I thought. Over the years, I've been described as a person with a hard exterior. I wasn't sure how to take it so I looked it up. Here's what I got:

"A food metaphor would be prickly pear, which is tough and thorny on the outside but soft and sweet on the inside.

Related would be this variation of a well known metaphor: a sheep in wolf's clothing, obviously meaning looks frightening, but is a lamb inside.

Another related would be all bark and no bite, which can be used in a positive way, as in, for example, "Don't be afraid of your grandpa, he's all bark and no bite.

He might be hard to get along with at first, but once you get to know him more, you'll find he's really a kind and sensitive/empatic person."

And

"The phrase "hard exterior" when used to describe a person's personality means the person is not generally approachable.... may not outwardly seem to value others........ may not outwardly show emotions..... That is not to say that is actually the way the person feels on the inside but rather the way that person appears to others..... Shy people sometimes appear to have a "hard exterior" because...well...because they're shy..... The person using the label needs to really get to know that person"
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I guess, at most, I could see myself as tough, independent, confident (in most things), a wee bit stubborn and feisty. I also thought I was approachable, compassionate and dependable. After looking this term up after being described this way by many, now I'm wondering if I'm coming across the way I want to be seen.

I've always wanted rainbows and puppy dogs in life. No stress. No bad stuff. Nothing to make someone upset. Just laughter and good times. I know it's unrealistic, but since I was a small child, it's what I wanted. I was the one to act silly or throw in a joke if times seemed tense. I wanted to be the hug that made all things better and good again. In elementary school, my mom would ask my why I was always being silly or telling jokes and I always said "Because I want people to be happy. It's my job." It's who I am. Maybe this is why my worrying is so extensive. I can't right the world, so I worry how we will all survive in such misery. I don't know.

I pray a lot. I look for a way to rid of the worry thorn in my side, but so far, it's still my greatest demon. God has big plans for me and if that is a battle I'm meant to have, then I will fight it. But I digress.

I know that over the course of the years, I've been hurt by people I cared about so I have put on my armor to protect myself. But don't we all? No one wants to be walked all over. HOWEVER, I don't like being the person people see as "hard to get along with at first" or that does "not outwardly seem to value others" because that's not me at all. Because I don't think I come across this way, it's going to be tough to know what to change, but I'm willing to try. I'm not up for a soft exterior but I'll go for pliable. Ha!