11.16.2010

Courage

It's the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc without fear. Considering my life is full of fear (which I hate), I lack a sense of courage that I'd like to have. There are times where I've just had a knee-jerk reaction out of "courage" without thinking at all, so the fear didn't have time to stop me. I like to think that being courageous means facing difficulty, danger, pain, etc while working THROUGH the fear. Having this kind of bravery usually comes with the visual of a superhero in a red cape saving children from a burning building. You think Superman never had fear right before fighting off bad guys?

So anyway, my friends that lost their baby girl, Maelee, just 7 months ago have a new adventure ahead of them. While fighting through this seemingly never-ending grief of losing their daughter, they are celebrating a new baby. Heather is 3 months pregnant!! They are elated, scared, nervous and cautious. They are courageous as they fight THROUGH the fear. They are an inspiration. They give me hope. They give others hope. Just thinking of their loss brings me to my knees in sadness, so trying to even understand their emotions is impossible. I can't wait to hold that sweet little red-headed baby! I can't wait to tell him or her about how courageous and awesome his or her parents are. I can't wait to tell that sweet baby how Maelee made Heaven shine so much brighter to so many people. God is so good. God blesses us every single day.

I'll admit, watching Greg and Heather grieve and struggle to find a new "normal" made me very reluctant to even think about having another child. What if that happened to us? Would I be able to be strong and keep my faith and hope? Would I be angry at God? Could I still be a good mother to Ella? Stupid "what ifs." Stupid fear. I find myself fearing what might happen every time we say "if we have another one" and in the meantime, Heather and Greg find the courage to try again. WOW! I learn so much from them all the time. I truly believe God placed these people in my life for a very specific reason.

Maelee, you are missed more than you could ever fully realize. You have been a witness to so many people in your short life on earth and even more so as you have found heaven. Heather and Greg, I owe you so much. You give me strength, courage and stronger faith. Without this Kasowski crew, I just don't know what I'd do.
I love you FOUR! Thank you.


2 comments:

Caroline said...

I think your blog is wonderful, Courtney. Keep it up! xoxo

HLK said...

We love you all very much, too! Thanks for being such a true friend and encourager these many months. We appreciate you!