It's all I can think about

Greg, Heather and Maelee. The death of Maelee. It just doesn't make sense. I can't understand it. Maelee would be 1 week old today. I remember rejoicing when Ella hit 1 week old because we'd survived a week of sleepless nights and late night feedings. There was hope that it would get easier with each week. These words make me sad now. For Greg and Heather, there is no rejoicing. There's no thoughts of it being easier with each week. There's no sleepless nights or late night feedings. It's not fair. It's not right. I feel guilty questioning God. I feel guilty feeling the way I do because I'm not Greg or Heather and I don't know how they feel.

It's just so frustrating to not understand what happened. I was so excited to share baby stories with them. I was excited for Ella to have a little girl friend to hang with if we both brought our babies to work one day. Sad is such a simple word that doesn't mean enough. Sad isn't sad enough. Grieving your child.... it's something we shouldn't have to face. The deep anguish that makes your insides hurt shouldn't be there because of your child.

I saw some baby things in a little boutique today at lunch. Normally I'd be all over them, but today I was sad. I didn't want to touch them. I was embarrassed to even look at them. It didn't seem right to admire the collection of baby socks, photo albums and bibs... not with Greg and Heather hurting like they were. I wanted to ask the lady to put those things away because it seemed rude to flaunt them like that. I hate that they are grieving. I hate what they are going through.